Russ was scheming this weekend about how exactly to set up two friends of ours whose paths wouldn't cross unless we helped them along. I poked holes in all his hopes by informing him that the guy was already dating someone.
"Man - why do married people like setting up their single friends so much?" he asked. "It's not like it's bad to be single or something."
"Because," I said, "it harkens back to our childhood playing Memory. You find the cards that go together and the more you match, the more points you get."
Monday, April 24, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Breaking Through Blocks, Part 1
Tonight, my friend Jeremy hit a cement block with his hands and I watched as it broke neatly down the center. As he set up another block, he explained why some kung-fu schools, especially traditional ones, don't teach how to break with both hands - it has to do with energy and the body - and then, he looked out at us and said, "But my school does," and broke the second block with his opposite hand. It was amazing.
He offered to let me try before he smashed through them, and a few people laughed because I made a face and waved my hands, as in, no, no no. I'm not the sort of person who could remotely hope to smash blocks with my hands. I miserably failed my high school defense class because when it came down to the physical test, I couldn't escape my (female, high school) attacker. I was the only girl in my class who failed self-defense. Granted, my attacker was a very large girl. But the point is, even if she was a large girl, it still could've yelled "pinch and twist, pinch and twist!" and the girl would've let me go instead of roughly pushing me to the ground.
My friend Diana had a few years of karate -- I think she was a higher-up belt, perhaps brown, when she decided to quit. I don't remember why she did, but I do remember the picture of her in her uniform, posed, her belt bright around her waist. She looked so tough, so accomplished. The only lessons I got as a child was piano, which Diana also got, but I had to beg to take piano lessons from my aunt's roommate, Melinda. I never played in a recital or took the opportunity to display anything I'd learned. At one point, we stopped pianoing and Melinda taught me how to make dresses. I made myself two plaid jumpers, a la Mary Anne in the Babysitters Club series, and wore them with turtlenecks until I realized that they made me look like a fat Catholic schoolteacher, not a cute, willowy babysitter.
While I still enjoy the piano, I have never been a great seamstress. I don't have the patience for it. Unlike Jeremy, who is up to 60 kung fu poses and can probably hold them all for hours, I have trouble clearing my mind for a 60 minute yoga class at the gym. Perhaps it's because I lie on my mat knowing that even if I have a minute of clarity, that minute will soon be crowded out by dog walking and novel reading and multiple, possible storylines that will hit me at moments when I have nothing with which to write these brilliant ideas down. I'm a bit better at praying, since it requires thinking of people and situations and needs and wants -- focusing for several moments on one thing is easier than focusing for several moments on nothing. But I still find it very difficult. Sewing is the same ball of wax. First, there's the choosing of the pattern and then, a material that will work with the pattern. Then, the meticulous cutting out of the pattern pieces, complete with darts, and then, cutting the material around the pattern and darts and pinning it all together so that you remember which material goes with which pattern piece. Then, there's the threading of the machine and the bobbin and my fingers always feel bricky when I'm working with bobbins and thread. Then, there's the working with the machine's pedal and making sure that you go at the right pace, with the right stitch. For me, there's a lot of mistakes, a lot of sewing pieces together that shouldn't be sewn together, and thus, a lot of seam ripping and re-sewing. It's a lot of work. And sure, I might end up with a piece of clothing that I love, but after all that struggle, it seems a lot easier just to head down to the Macy's sale rack.
I remember making curtains with my college roommate Jenn (to block out the eastern exposure on our faces every morning, not for cutesy-type shits and giggles) and how her curtains came out perfectly, with neat stitches and perfect proportions, while mine came out with crooked stitches and gaps where I'd ripped and resewn. We put them both up, above each of our beds, and every time I walked into the room, I compared the two sets of curtains. I could see the precision, the time, and above all, the discipline that she put into her curtains.
I recently finished a memoir that tells the ten interrelated, but not chronological, stories that bring the writer, James Brown, to the realization that he needs to quit drinking and using, and when I try to imagine his life now, those same words comes up. Discipline. Precision. Time. Patience. Sewing and piano and self-defense never came easily, but unlike James Brown, whose sobriety saves his life everday, it has never been a life-or-death issue for me.
He offered to let me try before he smashed through them, and a few people laughed because I made a face and waved my hands, as in, no, no no. I'm not the sort of person who could remotely hope to smash blocks with my hands. I miserably failed my high school defense class because when it came down to the physical test, I couldn't escape my (female, high school) attacker. I was the only girl in my class who failed self-defense. Granted, my attacker was a very large girl. But the point is, even if she was a large girl, it still could've yelled "pinch and twist, pinch and twist!" and the girl would've let me go instead of roughly pushing me to the ground.
My friend Diana had a few years of karate -- I think she was a higher-up belt, perhaps brown, when she decided to quit. I don't remember why she did, but I do remember the picture of her in her uniform, posed, her belt bright around her waist. She looked so tough, so accomplished. The only lessons I got as a child was piano, which Diana also got, but I had to beg to take piano lessons from my aunt's roommate, Melinda. I never played in a recital or took the opportunity to display anything I'd learned. At one point, we stopped pianoing and Melinda taught me how to make dresses. I made myself two plaid jumpers, a la Mary Anne in the Babysitters Club series, and wore them with turtlenecks until I realized that they made me look like a fat Catholic schoolteacher, not a cute, willowy babysitter.
While I still enjoy the piano, I have never been a great seamstress. I don't have the patience for it. Unlike Jeremy, who is up to 60 kung fu poses and can probably hold them all for hours, I have trouble clearing my mind for a 60 minute yoga class at the gym. Perhaps it's because I lie on my mat knowing that even if I have a minute of clarity, that minute will soon be crowded out by dog walking and novel reading and multiple, possible storylines that will hit me at moments when I have nothing with which to write these brilliant ideas down. I'm a bit better at praying, since it requires thinking of people and situations and needs and wants -- focusing for several moments on one thing is easier than focusing for several moments on nothing. But I still find it very difficult. Sewing is the same ball of wax. First, there's the choosing of the pattern and then, a material that will work with the pattern. Then, the meticulous cutting out of the pattern pieces, complete with darts, and then, cutting the material around the pattern and darts and pinning it all together so that you remember which material goes with which pattern piece. Then, there's the threading of the machine and the bobbin and my fingers always feel bricky when I'm working with bobbins and thread. Then, there's the working with the machine's pedal and making sure that you go at the right pace, with the right stitch. For me, there's a lot of mistakes, a lot of sewing pieces together that shouldn't be sewn together, and thus, a lot of seam ripping and re-sewing. It's a lot of work. And sure, I might end up with a piece of clothing that I love, but after all that struggle, it seems a lot easier just to head down to the Macy's sale rack.
I remember making curtains with my college roommate Jenn (to block out the eastern exposure on our faces every morning, not for cutesy-type shits and giggles) and how her curtains came out perfectly, with neat stitches and perfect proportions, while mine came out with crooked stitches and gaps where I'd ripped and resewn. We put them both up, above each of our beds, and every time I walked into the room, I compared the two sets of curtains. I could see the precision, the time, and above all, the discipline that she put into her curtains.
I recently finished a memoir that tells the ten interrelated, but not chronological, stories that bring the writer, James Brown, to the realization that he needs to quit drinking and using, and when I try to imagine his life now, those same words comes up. Discipline. Precision. Time. Patience. Sewing and piano and self-defense never came easily, but unlike James Brown, whose sobriety saves his life everday, it has never been a life-or-death issue for me.
Monday, April 17, 2006
What'd Snoopy Ever Do To You?
While on an Easter walk, Christina noticed and photographed this:
Since it was such a funny Easter find - much better than a colored egg - I asked her to take a picture of me with the sign. As you can see, I put on my toughest "626" face:
Yes, I know. Not tough at all. But I had to try.
Now I've been racking my brain for the last day and half and I still can't figure out what exactly makes Snoopy a dick. Sure, he was sort of silently snarky to Charlie Brown at times, but didn't Charlie Brown ask for it with his simplemindedness and constant complaining? He smooched Lucy and winked at the cute girls. And he went toe-to-toe with the Red Baron -- he was defending the free world (with the help of a small yellow bird)! Not exactly small potatoes, I think.
So why the animosity toward Snoopy?
Since it was such a funny Easter find - much better than a colored egg - I asked her to take a picture of me with the sign. As you can see, I put on my toughest "626" face:
Yes, I know. Not tough at all. But I had to try.
Now I've been racking my brain for the last day and half and I still can't figure out what exactly makes Snoopy a dick. Sure, he was sort of silently snarky to Charlie Brown at times, but didn't Charlie Brown ask for it with his simplemindedness and constant complaining? He smooched Lucy and winked at the cute girls. And he went toe-to-toe with the Red Baron -- he was defending the free world (with the help of a small yellow bird)! Not exactly small potatoes, I think.
So why the animosity toward Snoopy?
Friday, April 14, 2006
Who's The Smart One?
Last night, I helped Russell learn his Tree Identification flashcards through grade school-like quizzing. It was, "Okay Russ, here's the common name, you give me the botanical name. Ready? Catalina Cherry. Coast Live Oak. London Plane Tree." I prefaced my quizzing by saying that he'd have to forgive me if I, in any way, became condescending. Because I know it's oh so easy to feel that way when someone else has the cards and is giving you hints, with that "It's-so-easy-if-you-just-use-half-your-brain" look. That's when I, at least, become a serious hater.
As Russ was getting tired and frustrated and I was trying to devise helpful hints using words like lactate, I noticed that I'd put on my nightgown backwards.
"Why didn't you tell me that I had it on backwards?" I asked him.
But he was laughing too hard to answer. I have the feeling the irony of the seeing me, the quizzer, in the backwards nightgown each time he looked up made it a lot easier to listen to my stupid hints without shame. So I left it on backwards and he learned all his tree flashcards.
I think this is exactly what our premarital counselor meant when he talked about an egalitarian marriage.
As Russ was getting tired and frustrated and I was trying to devise helpful hints using words like lactate, I noticed that I'd put on my nightgown backwards.
"Why didn't you tell me that I had it on backwards?" I asked him.
But he was laughing too hard to answer. I have the feeling the irony of the seeing me, the quizzer, in the backwards nightgown each time he looked up made it a lot easier to listen to my stupid hints without shame. So I left it on backwards and he learned all his tree flashcards.
I think this is exactly what our premarital counselor meant when he talked about an egalitarian marriage.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Christina and Sarah's Excellent Adventure (Except We Never Went to Waterloo)
Christina and I, revelling in our spring breaks, decided to go explore some areas of L.A. that we either hadn't seen before or were not well acquainted. This is something that we both like to do -- familiarize.
We studied maps beforehand, looked up information on Wiki and the Los Angeles Times, but decided any kind of timeline would negate the fun of doing something on spring break. With a glorious sun shining, we set off west (because just about everywhere in L.A. is west of Pasadena). I was driving, Christina was navigating and from hence, she will be known as Christina-of-the-Divine-Map-Reading-Skills. She got us everywhere using one of my maps, not one of hers that she had studied before this trip. Yep, she's that good.
Places We Saw (or at least drove past) and Brief Thoughts (All Photos by Christina):
* The Fashion District: Very different than I thought. Not warehouses stocked with cool clothing, textiles, and flowers available to, but not really for, the general public. More like shops named "Guccy" and "Pretty Pink." All the clothes seemed to be in plastic bags. Now I now where the high school students I used to teach shopped for their clothes and their prom dresses. As we drove by, we saw lots of people out shopping, but no stores that really caught either of our eyes -- because every store looks like the same incarnation of first, just with a different name. Christina and I decided that if you were in the market for flowers or textiles, it would be more worth a stop.
* Lesson #1 - Even if we'd wanted to stop in the Fashion District, it was all meters and we had no change. This was a trend we saw all over L.A. Bring change for meters.
* Korea Town: We got on Olympic and headed west over to Koreatown, where I had never been, but Christina had been on occasion with an past roommate. Again, there were mostly meters and very crowded streets. The biggest draw of Koreatown has got to be the food. There seem to be delicious places to eat on every corner, both Latino and Korean. In addition to the Latino and Korean populations, we learned, Koreatown is the new destination for young "hipsters" who can no longer afford the prices in Los Feliz and West Hollywood. There were thousands of little shops that we could've ducked into, but we drove instead, looking for a Korean grocery store that Christina remembered. We finally found it, The California Market, on the corner of 5th and Western. A good place to stop in for sweet potato noodles, undecodable cookies, and freshly slain fish in ice buckets. Cool.
* Lesson #2 - Cute neighborhoods = expensive shops
* Larchmont Village was our next stop and it is summed up by lesson #2. Cute neighborhoods. Neat houses. Beautiful landscaping.
While the main drag had some cute shops, a spa of note called La Petit Retreat, and a neat wine shop and deli, where everyone in town seemed to be eating lunch, most of the boutiques had very unfortunate price tags. Christina and I soon tired of $375 shoes and jumped back in the car, headed down Larchmont Blvd. where it dead-ended into Melrose.
* Melrose East (which I consider to be East of Fairfax) is one of my new favorite places in L.A. One of our first tastes of the quirkyness that is Melrose was a store called "The Never Open Store." Observe.
We ate lunch at Evan Kleiman's fantastic Angeli Caffe, which I would highly recommend. I'd never been there for lunch and Christina had never been there, but we both agreed it was a great choice for a lunch stop. We got a table right in front of the window, so we got to watch all the eclectic passerbys that is Melrose East -- lots of tats, piercings, some hipsters, some punk rockers, and some teenagers. But then again, I also saw countless women in middle aged women in stretchy pants, which just shows that Melrose takes all kinds. Christina and I both scored some great items at a little store called Gossip a few blocks west of Angeli. We had a great time in this old vintage t-shirt shop that had funny shirts in decent shape. I had some addresses of touted clothing stores from a recent Lucky Magazine, so we kept walking west to see what these stores were like. The walk, the noticing, was half the fun.
Much more fun, in fact, than being in the aforementioned stores.
Lesson #3 - Never shop Melrose west of Fairfax unless your bank account has at least 10 zeros.
We got the feeling that some of the salespeople - not all, but definitely some - wanted us out of their stores as quickly as possible. So, we headed back down East, where people are funky and laid-back and not-glarey. We got some energy via iced coffee and headed off for Atwater Village.
* Atwater Village can be summed up by Christina and I looking around for it, driving a certain loop a few times over, getting there and saying, "This is worth all the hype?" It is the home of the Beastie Boys' indie record label, though, and you gotta love the boys. Oh, and there's an India Sweets and Spices on Los Feliz Blvd.
* From Atwater Village, we took Glendale Blvd. (which later turns into Colorado Blvd.) through Silverlake, Los Feliz (cool downtown, which I had never seen), Eagle Rock (another cool downtown), and across the beautiful Colorado bridge back into Pasadena. We decided to go to Aardvark's for a little more cheap shopping and we both scored with some neat purchases with the hefty price tage of $5 p/item.
It was amazing -- we had driven all over the city and only used the freeway once. Impossible, some would say.
I was watching a Sex and the City episode filmed in L.A. a few days ago, one in which they're driving up a hill and Carrie, trying to handle the stick shift, is not doing so well. "I thought L.A. was supposed to be flat," she whines, and Miranda replies, "I think they mean culturally." That is just one of the subtle barbs that pervades the general public's thinking about L.A. Everyone thinks the place is nothing but a big freeway, or one big drive-by, or perhaps one big movie star playground, but that really is just one big stereotype. Not only is L.A. rounded culturally by its history, architecture, and artrs, most of its people are rounded, too. We're - shock! - real, mostly non-pretentious types, especially (I think) over on the East side.
Leaving the freeway system is great fun, something that everyone should spend a day doing. Your orientation becomes enlightened. You finally figure out that all these freeway exit streets indeed have a role beyond being freeway exits. They actually go places. Once you know some of the main streets, Western, Wilshire, Olympic, Melrose, Los Feliz, Colorado, you begin to see all the little connections between the neighborhoods and as Dr. Sarah Arroyo always says, it's all about the connections. Because figuring out the connections between things inevitably leads to your own involvement in them.
Adele Griffin once wrote, "All it takes is one chum to shrink the world to a comfortable size." And, I would add, one good map.
We studied maps beforehand, looked up information on Wiki and the Los Angeles Times, but decided any kind of timeline would negate the fun of doing something on spring break. With a glorious sun shining, we set off west (because just about everywhere in L.A. is west of Pasadena). I was driving, Christina was navigating and from hence, she will be known as Christina-of-the-Divine-Map-Reading-Skills. She got us everywhere using one of my maps, not one of hers that she had studied before this trip. Yep, she's that good.
Places We Saw (or at least drove past) and Brief Thoughts (All Photos by Christina):
* The Fashion District: Very different than I thought. Not warehouses stocked with cool clothing, textiles, and flowers available to, but not really for, the general public. More like shops named "Guccy" and "Pretty Pink." All the clothes seemed to be in plastic bags. Now I now where the high school students I used to teach shopped for their clothes and their prom dresses. As we drove by, we saw lots of people out shopping, but no stores that really caught either of our eyes -- because every store looks like the same incarnation of first, just with a different name. Christina and I decided that if you were in the market for flowers or textiles, it would be more worth a stop.
* Lesson #1 - Even if we'd wanted to stop in the Fashion District, it was all meters and we had no change. This was a trend we saw all over L.A. Bring change for meters.
* Korea Town: We got on Olympic and headed west over to Koreatown, where I had never been, but Christina had been on occasion with an past roommate. Again, there were mostly meters and very crowded streets. The biggest draw of Koreatown has got to be the food. There seem to be delicious places to eat on every corner, both Latino and Korean. In addition to the Latino and Korean populations, we learned, Koreatown is the new destination for young "hipsters" who can no longer afford the prices in Los Feliz and West Hollywood. There were thousands of little shops that we could've ducked into, but we drove instead, looking for a Korean grocery store that Christina remembered. We finally found it, The California Market, on the corner of 5th and Western. A good place to stop in for sweet potato noodles, undecodable cookies, and freshly slain fish in ice buckets. Cool.
* Lesson #2 - Cute neighborhoods = expensive shops
* Larchmont Village was our next stop and it is summed up by lesson #2. Cute neighborhoods. Neat houses. Beautiful landscaping.
While the main drag had some cute shops, a spa of note called La Petit Retreat, and a neat wine shop and deli, where everyone in town seemed to be eating lunch, most of the boutiques had very unfortunate price tags. Christina and I soon tired of $375 shoes and jumped back in the car, headed down Larchmont Blvd. where it dead-ended into Melrose.
* Melrose East (which I consider to be East of Fairfax) is one of my new favorite places in L.A. One of our first tastes of the quirkyness that is Melrose was a store called "The Never Open Store." Observe.
We ate lunch at Evan Kleiman's fantastic Angeli Caffe, which I would highly recommend. I'd never been there for lunch and Christina had never been there, but we both agreed it was a great choice for a lunch stop. We got a table right in front of the window, so we got to watch all the eclectic passerbys that is Melrose East -- lots of tats, piercings, some hipsters, some punk rockers, and some teenagers. But then again, I also saw countless women in middle aged women in stretchy pants, which just shows that Melrose takes all kinds. Christina and I both scored some great items at a little store called Gossip a few blocks west of Angeli. We had a great time in this old vintage t-shirt shop that had funny shirts in decent shape. I had some addresses of touted clothing stores from a recent Lucky Magazine, so we kept walking west to see what these stores were like. The walk, the noticing, was half the fun.
Much more fun, in fact, than being in the aforementioned stores.
Lesson #3 - Never shop Melrose west of Fairfax unless your bank account has at least 10 zeros.
We got the feeling that some of the salespeople - not all, but definitely some - wanted us out of their stores as quickly as possible. So, we headed back down East, where people are funky and laid-back and not-glarey. We got some energy via iced coffee and headed off for Atwater Village.
* Atwater Village can be summed up by Christina and I looking around for it, driving a certain loop a few times over, getting there and saying, "This is worth all the hype?" It is the home of the Beastie Boys' indie record label, though, and you gotta love the boys. Oh, and there's an India Sweets and Spices on Los Feliz Blvd.
* From Atwater Village, we took Glendale Blvd. (which later turns into Colorado Blvd.) through Silverlake, Los Feliz (cool downtown, which I had never seen), Eagle Rock (another cool downtown), and across the beautiful Colorado bridge back into Pasadena. We decided to go to Aardvark's for a little more cheap shopping and we both scored with some neat purchases with the hefty price tage of $5 p/item.
It was amazing -- we had driven all over the city and only used the freeway once. Impossible, some would say.
I was watching a Sex and the City episode filmed in L.A. a few days ago, one in which they're driving up a hill and Carrie, trying to handle the stick shift, is not doing so well. "I thought L.A. was supposed to be flat," she whines, and Miranda replies, "I think they mean culturally." That is just one of the subtle barbs that pervades the general public's thinking about L.A. Everyone thinks the place is nothing but a big freeway, or one big drive-by, or perhaps one big movie star playground, but that really is just one big stereotype. Not only is L.A. rounded culturally by its history, architecture, and artrs, most of its people are rounded, too. We're - shock! - real, mostly non-pretentious types, especially (I think) over on the East side.
Leaving the freeway system is great fun, something that everyone should spend a day doing. Your orientation becomes enlightened. You finally figure out that all these freeway exit streets indeed have a role beyond being freeway exits. They actually go places. Once you know some of the main streets, Western, Wilshire, Olympic, Melrose, Los Feliz, Colorado, you begin to see all the little connections between the neighborhoods and as Dr. Sarah Arroyo always says, it's all about the connections. Because figuring out the connections between things inevitably leads to your own involvement in them.
Adele Griffin once wrote, "All it takes is one chum to shrink the world to a comfortable size." And, I would add, one good map.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
My Life as a Playlist
It was my friend Rebekah's birthday the other day and I did what I try to do for any special occasion -- I began to compose a playlist for her in iTunes.
Russell and I like to make up games and just a few months ago, we made up a new one. It's called "My name is --- and I ---" What this means is that you identify who you are and then name something by which you identify that person. For instance, I usually do Russell, so I'll say something like, "My name is Russell and I only drink rice milk." You say funny things or odd things -- the object is to try to make the other person laugh with recognition, as in, "Am I really like that?" The answer is mostly yes, I really am that odd and other people notice it. Then you get to think about it in private later, and maybe, if you're prone to obsess, lay awake pondering the series of events that made you such an oddball who still manages to function somewhat normally in society.
We only get on a roll once in a great while, but the last time we were, one of Russ's was, "My name is Sarah and I spend hours and hours making playlists for my iPod." I laughed, not only because it was true, but because it was the first time it occured to me that perhaps not everyone else I know sits around at 11:30 at night, composing a playlist for her car ride or walk to the local post office the next day.
I once whimsically dubbed myself "Sar-Mix-A-Lot," a name I still associate with my unreal perception that I could in some parallel, upside-down universe, be a good DJ. Unfortunately, in my current life, I'm scared of standing in any loud room for too long because hearing loss runs in my family. I spent my childhood yelling at my mom, who wears a hearing aide, and then, being told to speak more quietly in all public arenas. Already, sometimes I worry that my hearing is slipping -- today, while walking downtown, a woman asked me how many blocks south "muffle-muffle-muffle" was. I had no idea what she said, but instead of being normal and asking her to repeat it, my fear manifested itself in the form of a lie: "Two blocks down," I said.
But there's nothing imaginary about my playlist habit. All one has to do is glance at the extremely long list of them in my iTunes and they'll see that I'm always creating, rearranging, and once in a while, destroying out of complete frustration, sets of songs. Like most creative work, they're a case study in evolution. I'll design one for a car ride and upon listening to it, figure out that the transition between Belle and Sebastian's "I'm a Cuckoo" and Bruce Springsteen's "Rosalita" doesn't quite work. Likewise, it's such a rush when I discover that the transition between Solomon Burke's "Don't Give Up On Me" and Shelby Lynne's "Jesus on a Greyhound" rolls from one to the other with the greatest of ease. If Russ happens to be with me, I'll say, "Damn! Did you hear that?!" and sometimes, based on the sheer power of good pairings, I find myself a little misty-eyed.
Perhaps some reading this might think that it's just a manifestation of my love of Nick Hornby and Rob Fleming, that I'm one of those people who once read a book/saw a movie and decided that it was going to be my new personality. But seriously, I was making Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith mix tapes before he ever flirted with the idea of writing a book about his obsessive love of the Arsenals. Besides, Nick doesn't own the market on obsessive. A good part of my junior high was spent shut away in my room and if I wasn't contemplating the universe in my journal - not a journaly-journal, but a spiral bound $2 notebook - then, I was busy arranging and recording new mix tapes of my favorite artists. I had mix tapes for every occasion -- for doing homework, for stretching, even for when me and my sister played "business office" in the basement. Because Lord knows, every business office has a soundtrack composed of Christian Top 40 from the late 1980's.
When I was a senior in high school, I rode down to a college in Kentucky that I was contemplating attending - I didn't sign up because they had an 11:00 curfew - and my English teacher at the time had this awesome Indigo Girls mix, with a little Edie Brickell thrown in for good measure. And two things dawned on me: 1.) I loved this Indigo Girls band and had to buy one of their CDs when I got back home and 2.) My high school English teacher, who I thought was sleek and cool, made mixes, too. It meant that I was sort of cool, by association. I began to share my mixes, first with Rebekah, who loves music as much as I do, and then, later on, with other friends.
That was the year that Rebekah and I learned every single Indigo Girls song on "12:00 Curfews" and the harmonies. It was also the year that I rode around with my bare feet hanging out the window until a policemen called out, "Nice toes" at a stop sign.
With the advent of iTunes, my mixing life has been made even easier, one of the many reasons that I'm insanely devoted to my Mac. But ease of creation doesn't necessarily equal successful mixes. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always successful. Christina has been my hardest friend to mix for at this point, mostly because we have a very different musical aesthetic, though there are a few bands for whom we share a mutual love. Best summed up, I'm a little bit country and she's a little bit rock-n-roll. And I don't care for Throwing Muses. I stream Morning Becomes Eclectic, she streams Woxy. But I like hearing what she likes because it expands my musical consciousness. She reminds me that there's a lot out there, infinite mixable possibilities, and to not only keep my ears open for myself, but for music I think my friends might like.
I think when it all comes down to it, my own creation complexes aside, I love mixing because it's doesn't end up being only for myself. If I make a great mix, one that I'm proud of, then I inevitably want to share it, whether I have to send it a few thousand miles or simply turn it on in my car. I get to give my friends an insider glimpse into what's pushing my musical buttons, whether it's Eleni Mandell or Ozomatli or Randy Newman. It really is a rush. I'm sure that Jefferey Steingarten feels the same way when one of those crazy food experiments of his works out beyond his wildest dreams and even his long-suffering wife proclaims it to be good.
Russell and I like to make up games and just a few months ago, we made up a new one. It's called "My name is --- and I ---" What this means is that you identify who you are and then name something by which you identify that person. For instance, I usually do Russell, so I'll say something like, "My name is Russell and I only drink rice milk." You say funny things or odd things -- the object is to try to make the other person laugh with recognition, as in, "Am I really like that?" The answer is mostly yes, I really am that odd and other people notice it. Then you get to think about it in private later, and maybe, if you're prone to obsess, lay awake pondering the series of events that made you such an oddball who still manages to function somewhat normally in society.
We only get on a roll once in a great while, but the last time we were, one of Russ's was, "My name is Sarah and I spend hours and hours making playlists for my iPod." I laughed, not only because it was true, but because it was the first time it occured to me that perhaps not everyone else I know sits around at 11:30 at night, composing a playlist for her car ride or walk to the local post office the next day.
I once whimsically dubbed myself "Sar-Mix-A-Lot," a name I still associate with my unreal perception that I could in some parallel, upside-down universe, be a good DJ. Unfortunately, in my current life, I'm scared of standing in any loud room for too long because hearing loss runs in my family. I spent my childhood yelling at my mom, who wears a hearing aide, and then, being told to speak more quietly in all public arenas. Already, sometimes I worry that my hearing is slipping -- today, while walking downtown, a woman asked me how many blocks south "muffle-muffle-muffle" was. I had no idea what she said, but instead of being normal and asking her to repeat it, my fear manifested itself in the form of a lie: "Two blocks down," I said.
But there's nothing imaginary about my playlist habit. All one has to do is glance at the extremely long list of them in my iTunes and they'll see that I'm always creating, rearranging, and once in a while, destroying out of complete frustration, sets of songs. Like most creative work, they're a case study in evolution. I'll design one for a car ride and upon listening to it, figure out that the transition between Belle and Sebastian's "I'm a Cuckoo" and Bruce Springsteen's "Rosalita" doesn't quite work. Likewise, it's such a rush when I discover that the transition between Solomon Burke's "Don't Give Up On Me" and Shelby Lynne's "Jesus on a Greyhound" rolls from one to the other with the greatest of ease. If Russ happens to be with me, I'll say, "Damn! Did you hear that?!" and sometimes, based on the sheer power of good pairings, I find myself a little misty-eyed.
Perhaps some reading this might think that it's just a manifestation of my love of Nick Hornby and Rob Fleming, that I'm one of those people who once read a book/saw a movie and decided that it was going to be my new personality. But seriously, I was making Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith mix tapes before he ever flirted with the idea of writing a book about his obsessive love of the Arsenals. Besides, Nick doesn't own the market on obsessive. A good part of my junior high was spent shut away in my room and if I wasn't contemplating the universe in my journal - not a journaly-journal, but a spiral bound $2 notebook - then, I was busy arranging and recording new mix tapes of my favorite artists. I had mix tapes for every occasion -- for doing homework, for stretching, even for when me and my sister played "business office" in the basement. Because Lord knows, every business office has a soundtrack composed of Christian Top 40 from the late 1980's.
When I was a senior in high school, I rode down to a college in Kentucky that I was contemplating attending - I didn't sign up because they had an 11:00 curfew - and my English teacher at the time had this awesome Indigo Girls mix, with a little Edie Brickell thrown in for good measure. And two things dawned on me: 1.) I loved this Indigo Girls band and had to buy one of their CDs when I got back home and 2.) My high school English teacher, who I thought was sleek and cool, made mixes, too. It meant that I was sort of cool, by association. I began to share my mixes, first with Rebekah, who loves music as much as I do, and then, later on, with other friends.
That was the year that Rebekah and I learned every single Indigo Girls song on "12:00 Curfews" and the harmonies. It was also the year that I rode around with my bare feet hanging out the window until a policemen called out, "Nice toes" at a stop sign.
With the advent of iTunes, my mixing life has been made even easier, one of the many reasons that I'm insanely devoted to my Mac. But ease of creation doesn't necessarily equal successful mixes. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always successful. Christina has been my hardest friend to mix for at this point, mostly because we have a very different musical aesthetic, though there are a few bands for whom we share a mutual love. Best summed up, I'm a little bit country and she's a little bit rock-n-roll. And I don't care for Throwing Muses. I stream Morning Becomes Eclectic, she streams Woxy. But I like hearing what she likes because it expands my musical consciousness. She reminds me that there's a lot out there, infinite mixable possibilities, and to not only keep my ears open for myself, but for music I think my friends might like.
I think when it all comes down to it, my own creation complexes aside, I love mixing because it's doesn't end up being only for myself. If I make a great mix, one that I'm proud of, then I inevitably want to share it, whether I have to send it a few thousand miles or simply turn it on in my car. I get to give my friends an insider glimpse into what's pushing my musical buttons, whether it's Eleni Mandell or Ozomatli or Randy Newman. It really is a rush. I'm sure that Jefferey Steingarten feels the same way when one of those crazy food experiments of his works out beyond his wildest dreams and even his long-suffering wife proclaims it to be good.
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Toast of New York
Last night, I got to meet Christina's good friend, Hillery - whose blog I read occasionally - and hear the hilarious and often mortifying stories from her time as an editor at a well-regarded New York publishing house. She told the story of one man, perhaps the self-proclaimed toast of the unpublished online literati, who has posted the rejection letter that she wrote him regarding his novel. The rejection letter without context makes her look like a nasty bitch who enjoys eating aspiring writers for snacks, but remember, that's because it's out of context. She's not the sort of person who tells every writer that they should go work at McDonald's because their book sucks and will never get published. She's the sort of person who tells a writer that after he's written her and said that perhaps, he may work at McDonald's in order to fund his writing aspirations. So, Mr. Online Feisty, let's not fault publishers with responding personally and in step with the original query letter.
All I had to do was google Hillery's name and this guy's name magically appeared. Apparently, he's partially responsible for the slowly changing rules about sending manuscripts to publishers via email because of his loud, loud online voice constantly raising in protest. His website is one of those places that's probably a haven for writers who have just gotten their first or fifth or twenty-seventh rejection letter and feel the much-earned need to express a little bitterness and/or rage at the publishing machine. He's like an online bread-and-roses who writes non-publishable fiction.
Later on, Christina, Emilio, Hillery and I played Beyond Balderdash, a game I've owned for almost five years and never played. It was not one of my shining moments in game history. In fact, I downright got my ass kicked. All three of my fellow players - especially Christina - kept making up these amazing, Websterian definitions that I was duped by again and again. In fact, all three of them were fairly close as far as their position on the Balderdash ladder goes. I think in the first game, I moved maybe four spaces. I had a few things going against me, most important being that if someone has made up a really funny but clearly false definition, I'm always tempted to go with it just to show my aprpeciation. So for instance, who designed the original flag? The answer was Johann someone. But the answer I remember was Emilio's "Betty Croc." I didn't vote for it - I was by that time attempting to close the staggering gap and maintain some of my respectability - but it's not an answer I'll soon forget. Likewise, I was tempted to vote for one of my own answers, even though I knew it was clearly wrong -- but when the question is "Who invented the paper clip" and you write, "Al Gore," it's almost too hard to resist.
All I had to do was google Hillery's name and this guy's name magically appeared. Apparently, he's partially responsible for the slowly changing rules about sending manuscripts to publishers via email because of his loud, loud online voice constantly raising in protest. His website is one of those places that's probably a haven for writers who have just gotten their first or fifth or twenty-seventh rejection letter and feel the much-earned need to express a little bitterness and/or rage at the publishing machine. He's like an online bread-and-roses who writes non-publishable fiction.
Later on, Christina, Emilio, Hillery and I played Beyond Balderdash, a game I've owned for almost five years and never played. It was not one of my shining moments in game history. In fact, I downright got my ass kicked. All three of my fellow players - especially Christina - kept making up these amazing, Websterian definitions that I was duped by again and again. In fact, all three of them were fairly close as far as their position on the Balderdash ladder goes. I think in the first game, I moved maybe four spaces. I had a few things going against me, most important being that if someone has made up a really funny but clearly false definition, I'm always tempted to go with it just to show my aprpeciation. So for instance, who designed the original flag? The answer was Johann someone. But the answer I remember was Emilio's "Betty Croc." I didn't vote for it - I was by that time attempting to close the staggering gap and maintain some of my respectability - but it's not an answer I'll soon forget. Likewise, I was tempted to vote for one of my own answers, even though I knew it was clearly wrong -- but when the question is "Who invented the paper clip" and you write, "Al Gore," it's almost too hard to resist.
Tanya, or General Disarray
Tanya has a knack for making canine enemies everywhere she goes. In the last few days, no less than three dogs have tried to kick her ass. She was pinned by a Jack Russell Terrier who was not just "feisty," as one adoring man commented, but bloodthirsty. The dog who lives in front of us knocked down two of the wooden fence boards yesterday. I believe his most enduring wish is to free himself from the crappy backyard in which he lives and go pawtiteeth with her.
There's something about Tanya that makes big dogs want to spend a lot of time torturing her. She reminds me of one of the characters on the great show, Freaks and Geeks, possibly Neal. She's cute, sort of sharp, and totally unable to defend herself against the blows of others.
There's something about Tanya that makes big dogs want to spend a lot of time torturing her. She reminds me of one of the characters on the great show, Freaks and Geeks, possibly Neal. She's cute, sort of sharp, and totally unable to defend herself against the blows of others.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Current Obsessions
#1. I can't stop talking like the Amy Adams character in the movie Junebug. It's North Carolina at its finest and I'm a sucker for a twangy N.C. accent. Russ says I'm pretty good at it. My favorite quoteables: "I wonder what she looks like. I bet she's skinny. She probably is. She's skinnier'n me and prettier too. Now I'll hate her" and "You ever go to college, I bet you did." I can tack that phrase, "I bet you did" on the end of any sentence, probably to the annoyance of anyone who has to spend more than a few moments with me.
#2. Organization (A life long project).
#3. Trying to get out of getting my wisdom tooth pulled tomorrow. We'll see if I can worm out of it last minute. Not because I'm scared. No, really.
#4. Taco salad. So simple, yet so genius.
#5. While helping Russ clean out our studio/office today, I noticed the mounds of journals I have stashed all over my bookcases. I think I've bought maybe three or four journals my entire life and the other thirty-two have been gifts. Why do people always get writers journals? Are they thinking, "Oh, she's a writer, she'd love a journal"? This is the kind of thinking that gets me stuck with thirty-some journals that I don't use -- I'm a typer. I love typing. True, pencil and ink hold an important place in the Writing Hall of Fame as contributors to literary greatness, but I love me a good keyboard. The louder the keys, the warmer my heart. So, if you know a writer out there, take it from me and don't, don't, don't get them a journal. Even if it's the most awesomest journal in the whole world and would stop traffic if it had legs and could walk across Hollywood and Highland. Because the truth is, even the awesomest journal will just go into the journal-mush-pile where it will get divied up between White Elephants, Regifts, and a dusty life on an studio/office bookcase.
That's all. Enjoy your own obsessions.
#2. Organization (A life long project).
#3. Trying to get out of getting my wisdom tooth pulled tomorrow. We'll see if I can worm out of it last minute. Not because I'm scared. No, really.
#4. Taco salad. So simple, yet so genius.
#5. While helping Russ clean out our studio/office today, I noticed the mounds of journals I have stashed all over my bookcases. I think I've bought maybe three or four journals my entire life and the other thirty-two have been gifts. Why do people always get writers journals? Are they thinking, "Oh, she's a writer, she'd love a journal"? This is the kind of thinking that gets me stuck with thirty-some journals that I don't use -- I'm a typer. I love typing. True, pencil and ink hold an important place in the Writing Hall of Fame as contributors to literary greatness, but I love me a good keyboard. The louder the keys, the warmer my heart. So, if you know a writer out there, take it from me and don't, don't, don't get them a journal. Even if it's the most awesomest journal in the whole world and would stop traffic if it had legs and could walk across Hollywood and Highland. Because the truth is, even the awesomest journal will just go into the journal-mush-pile where it will get divied up between White Elephants, Regifts, and a dusty life on an studio/office bookcase.
That's all. Enjoy your own obsessions.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wallin Means "Valley Dweller" in Swedish
Yesterday, I went "Beyond Blond" by drinking wine and listening to a panel discussion presented by the Swedish Consulate and PEN USA on outsider-dom and literature. The Swedish consulate puts on a month long celebration between March and April every year celebrating All Things Swedish. The event yesterday was quite posh, though as always, just when you're feeling cool and hip at the Swedish Consulate General's awesome pad on the top of a Santa Monica hill overlooking the Pacific, something happens to knock you on your reality again.
Yesterday, that something was twofold. The winds were blowing so hard that my hair, which I actually spent a good amount of time fixing, was quickly whipped out of shape and ended up looking like a bad Jennifer Lopez nightmare. So shaking hands with the Swedish Consulate General and literary who's-who lost some of its charm when I caught a reflection of myself in the glass, with hairs going every which way. Then later on, after two glasses of wine (Was it two? Hmm.), I was sitting out on the front porch with Chad, Hale, and Lee, and this very cool L.A. singer named Lola Stenger (I think), and while trying to make room for her on our writer-outsider bench, I dropped my wineglass. It shattered on the ground, just when the poetry reading started inside the house and everyone was quiet. I didn't look, but I could imagine everyone staring, wondering who the uncouth yokel on the porch was. And it was me: writer, frequent literature discusser, slight tipsy wine glass breaker.
All embarrassments aside, it made me want to fully embrace my Swedish roots. I was waiting for the parade of Swedish foods that I was sometimes subjected to around Christmas in my youth in order to get myself on the fast track of this re-Swedenization. Sadly - or maybe thankfully - there were no meatballs, akvavit, or Lutefisk for hardcore Swedenization. Instead, I ate my Ceasar salad and remained a valley dweller only on the East side of L.A.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
The Only Person on Earth Who's Not Exactly Looking Forward to Spring Break
Back in February, when I last visited my dentist for a six-monthly-teeth-and-gum-scraping, I was once again told that I needed to have my one and only wisdom tooth removed. Now I could've ignored it, like I've been doing to all dental advice ever since high school. My high school dentist recommended that I have the surgery to stop gum deterioration, where they remove skin from the thigh or butt and graft it into the mouth, at the receding gum line. As a a high schooler, you can imagine my reaction was something along the lines of, "Eww, gross me out." I was horrified at the thought that someone I knew might find out I had skin from my butt plastered into my mouth. What would life be like then? Names posted on my locker, written in pen on those cheesy locker stickers that the pom squad made for the cheereleaders. Instead of "Go Sarah," it would be, "Go Butt-Mouth" or "Get 'Em Ass-Gums." I would be even more undesireable than girls who spent their weekends working on Trig homework and coming up with little math jokes to impress our teacher. But really, it wasn't the potential name-calling that made me recoil in horror, but the thought of surgery, even minor surgery. Someone cutting me up and sewing me back together. I'm cursed with a vivid imagination, only intensified by nights spent watching old sci-fi movies with my dad, so I have a lot of semi-gruesome images and scenarios that I can call up on demand.
Needless to say, I sidestepped this surgery with clever excuses, a sort of dance that has defined my life with dentists. It's a complicated pattern, sort of akin to Billy Flynn's song-and-dance routines in the musical Chicago. The dentist tell me I need this -- I tell her that it sounds great, really, but I have final exams or can't take a break from teaching or am planning to go to Vegas that weekend, but I'll schedule it next time I have a check-up. It's not a lie-lie, in the sense that I usually do have final exams or a tough teaching schedule or a trip planned, but I am technically lying in the sense that I could probably find plenty of time to squeeze in a minor outpatient surgery. It's always worked well for me as a mode of operation.
Unfortunately, as I recently discovered, my current dentist and his staff don't fall so easily. Dr. Joe is jovial, but rarely listens to what I say, so not only does he ask me where I work and who my husband is every single time I come in, but when I tell him my usual I-can't-make-it-anytime-soon-we'll-try-again-next-time, he smiles at me and tells his office manager to schedule me an appointment to get my wisdom tooth pulled. I figure that I can worm my way out of it with the office manager, but she's an elderly Brit, sort of like a gray-haired Mary Poppins, and when I told her that I didn't see being able to get it done for a while, she just looked at me, searchingly, and then said, "Well, surely, you have spring break, dear. When is it? We'll schedule a time for you then, nice and quick." It crippled my defenses completely and the "dear" only sealed my defeat. So finding myself in unfamiliar territory, I leaned in confidentially over the desk and said, "The truth is, I'm sort of scared to have the surgery."
She smiled right away and said, "Oh dear, don't you worry. We'll take very good care of you." And that's how I ended up with a wisdom tooth extraction on the first day of spring break.
Needless to say, I sidestepped this surgery with clever excuses, a sort of dance that has defined my life with dentists. It's a complicated pattern, sort of akin to Billy Flynn's song-and-dance routines in the musical Chicago. The dentist tell me I need this -- I tell her that it sounds great, really, but I have final exams or can't take a break from teaching or am planning to go to Vegas that weekend, but I'll schedule it next time I have a check-up. It's not a lie-lie, in the sense that I usually do have final exams or a tough teaching schedule or a trip planned, but I am technically lying in the sense that I could probably find plenty of time to squeeze in a minor outpatient surgery. It's always worked well for me as a mode of operation.
Unfortunately, as I recently discovered, my current dentist and his staff don't fall so easily. Dr. Joe is jovial, but rarely listens to what I say, so not only does he ask me where I work and who my husband is every single time I come in, but when I tell him my usual I-can't-make-it-anytime-soon-we'll-try-again-next-time, he smiles at me and tells his office manager to schedule me an appointment to get my wisdom tooth pulled. I figure that I can worm my way out of it with the office manager, but she's an elderly Brit, sort of like a gray-haired Mary Poppins, and when I told her that I didn't see being able to get it done for a while, she just looked at me, searchingly, and then said, "Well, surely, you have spring break, dear. When is it? We'll schedule a time for you then, nice and quick." It crippled my defenses completely and the "dear" only sealed my defeat. So finding myself in unfamiliar territory, I leaned in confidentially over the desk and said, "The truth is, I'm sort of scared to have the surgery."
She smiled right away and said, "Oh dear, don't you worry. We'll take very good care of you." And that's how I ended up with a wisdom tooth extraction on the first day of spring break.
Monday, April 03, 2006
A Very Special Episode of This Blog
That's the phrase that turned me off to E.R. forever.
Russell and I have been listening to the new Belle and Sebastian CD, and then, because it sorta-kinda reminded us of T. Rex's Electric Warrior, we've listened to that a few times as well. The only song that ever hit the top of the charts in the U.S. is the song "Get It On (Bang a Gong)." Now, though this album was released in 1971, it feels very 1960's montage to me. As in: "It was a crazy summer -- we were young and had our whole lives in front of us. The possibilities felt endless. But what we didn't know was that it was the summer everything would change forever." And on and on. Now imagine that in tandem with images of youthful twenty-somethings protesting injustice and shouting for peace. They're singing in a circle around a fire, with eyes closed. They're shaking fists indignantly at squareish law officials. Some of the images are from a handheld camcorder and so, you get all these shots of funny, scrunched faces, rock-on fingers, and random moonings.
When I mentioned this to Russ, he argued that 1971 was not about peace signs and bra burnings. He said it was Led Zepplin territory and by that time, all the protesters had gotten tired or pregnant or plain apathetic. Which could be true. My aunt Nancy, who was in high school in the 70's, told me that her class didn't even have a class president because no one bothered to vote.
But I still argue that "Get It On" is a total montage-worthy, handheld camcorder shaking, corny voice-over type of song. Just listen to a sample on iTunes or Amazon and tell me if I'm totally off-base here. I'd like to be right on this one, just so I can for once na-na-na-na-na in Russell's historically accurate face.
Russell and I have been listening to the new Belle and Sebastian CD, and then, because it sorta-kinda reminded us of T. Rex's Electric Warrior, we've listened to that a few times as well. The only song that ever hit the top of the charts in the U.S. is the song "Get It On (Bang a Gong)." Now, though this album was released in 1971, it feels very 1960's montage to me. As in: "It was a crazy summer -- we were young and had our whole lives in front of us. The possibilities felt endless. But what we didn't know was that it was the summer everything would change forever." And on and on. Now imagine that in tandem with images of youthful twenty-somethings protesting injustice and shouting for peace. They're singing in a circle around a fire, with eyes closed. They're shaking fists indignantly at squareish law officials. Some of the images are from a handheld camcorder and so, you get all these shots of funny, scrunched faces, rock-on fingers, and random moonings.
When I mentioned this to Russ, he argued that 1971 was not about peace signs and bra burnings. He said it was Led Zepplin territory and by that time, all the protesters had gotten tired or pregnant or plain apathetic. Which could be true. My aunt Nancy, who was in high school in the 70's, told me that her class didn't even have a class president because no one bothered to vote.
But I still argue that "Get It On" is a total montage-worthy, handheld camcorder shaking, corny voice-over type of song. Just listen to a sample on iTunes or Amazon and tell me if I'm totally off-base here. I'd like to be right on this one, just so I can for once na-na-na-na-na in Russell's historically accurate face.
Friday, March 31, 2006
...Out Like A Lamb
It's almost April and I've spent the whole week in sweaters and knee socks. It's been cold and rainy, in short, very un-L.A.-like. Also, not very lamby.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful
It's raining outside right now, so hard that the windows are no longer transparent. I have my workshop on Tuesday nights and it seems that every Tuesday night this semester, it has either rained on my way to or from school. I have taken advantage of this afternoon with a heating pad on my feet and by reading. Not a bad way to spend a rainy afternoon.
This is sort of a cop-out. Not the reading, but the fact that I have paperwork up to my ears that I have justified putting off until the last minute. Getting older has not curbed any of my last minute tendencies, as I once figured it would. Russell says that my saving grace is that I'm extremely organized and quick, so I can put things off until the last minute and still turn out something good. He shakes his head at this, since he works very differently. Anyway, I have a lot of things to do -- paperwork for scholarships, grants, and any other sort of writing people might want to pay me to do. I've been getting great feedback on my novel by people who have nothing to gain by being nice to me, and thus, I think, are probably being truthful. That's a good feeling. I wonder if my potential agent in Atlanta, who read the first chapter and then asked for the entire manuscript, is drumming her fingers on her desk, wondering where it is because she has to know what happens next. Okay, probably not, but isn't it fun to dream?
Tomorrow night might be a close-to-all-nighter. If so, I'm sure that you'll get it in blogging.
This is sort of a cop-out. Not the reading, but the fact that I have paperwork up to my ears that I have justified putting off until the last minute. Getting older has not curbed any of my last minute tendencies, as I once figured it would. Russell says that my saving grace is that I'm extremely organized and quick, so I can put things off until the last minute and still turn out something good. He shakes his head at this, since he works very differently. Anyway, I have a lot of things to do -- paperwork for scholarships, grants, and any other sort of writing people might want to pay me to do. I've been getting great feedback on my novel by people who have nothing to gain by being nice to me, and thus, I think, are probably being truthful. That's a good feeling. I wonder if my potential agent in Atlanta, who read the first chapter and then asked for the entire manuscript, is drumming her fingers on her desk, wondering where it is because she has to know what happens next. Okay, probably not, but isn't it fun to dream?
Tomorrow night might be a close-to-all-nighter. If so, I'm sure that you'll get it in blogging.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Arizona Blues...Wait, Make that Bright Yellows
I am in Phoenix, Arizona right now, in charge of three dogs and a mound of reading and writing. Russ and his parents went to go visit friends and lounge around their timeshare. My feet are propped up on a balance ball while Tanya has somehow managed to wedge herself into the crevice beside me. On the floor in front of me is a 17-year-old arthritic Irish Setter mix named Brittany, who can no longer feel when she has to poop. So there've been some accidents. Green, gelatinous accidents. To the left is Elka, a 70-pound German Shepherd who is sweet, yet has almost knocked me to the ground a few times and pawed a mole off Brittany's forehead today. The funny thing is, Elka idolizes 10-pound Tanya and follows her around everywhere. If Tanya jumps up on the bed, Elka follows. Elka will only drink out of Tanya's extra-small water dish and only eat out of Tanya's extra-small food bowl. I image that if she could, Elka would snuggle into Tanya like a puppy.
I like staying here. There's a great patio and lots of comfy study chairs. There's always the good creamer and the Wightman's make sure their orthopedic spa is fired up when I come to town. It's also nice to be in a temperature-regulated house, where you can walk barefoot without frostbite, unlike Oakfordshire (our Monrovian-British estate). Russ and I decided we needed to change Oakfordshire now that King Oak is gone and Queen Oak is sort of awkward and patchy. But Oakfordshire just might stick, like the name of Russ' car that he hates but will forever stick because I can never help laughing when I think of it, Brownie the Flying Turd.
I'm listening to the jazz station on the Wightman's cable cornucopia. My favorite jazz guy is Monk. Gene Kruppa just finished, and that was good, but a lot of the music sounds more like smooth jazz. I'm not a fan of smooth jazz. I wasn't a fan of jazz, nor knew anything about it, until I absorbed Ken Burns' jazz 11-disc series this past summer. I think this summer, time permitting, it will be KB's Civil War, which I used to watch at least once a year with my grandpa as a young nerd. I used to dream of marrying a southern man in the mold of Shelby Foote. And I always thought Mary Chestnut was annoying. But I'm thinking that this time around, I'll understand her more, a woman sitting around in her parlor, writing about the war going on around her. She'd totally be a blogger, had she lived in more digital times.
I just finished Thom Jones and enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure that he's from my old stomping grounds of Aurora, even though he's reclusive and there's nothing biographical about him to be found, on the internet or elsewhere. He not only mentioned Lake Street (sort of a hub), but Garfield Goose and the Fox Valley Shopping Center -- you have to be a real Auroran to remember Garfield Goose and shopping at Fox Valley. He won the National Book Award, but there's no mention of him on the “Welcome to Aurora, City of Lights” signs, no honorary street named after him downtown. Yet another reason that I no longer live in Aurora.
I am now reading the Selected Letters of John Fante, which is like permissible voyuerism. Fante was a bit of an egomaniac and kept carbon copies of all the letters he sent out, which is largely why this book exists. In classic egomanic fashion, he didn’t keep any of the letters that many others, including his wife, sent to him. That Fante.
Last night, we went to a pratice game between the Oakland A’s and the San Diego Padres. We tried to get tickets to the Giants vs. the Cubs (Russ=San Francisco, Sarah=Chicago, yet Dodgers trump both), but it was sold out. We sat in the fifth row, behind home plate and the giant net, which was comforting. I don’t like sitting anywhere there’s a fair-to-excellent chance that an errant foul or pop-up will come spinning. Like Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch, I have also been a victim of ball-smack-in-the-middle-of-the-head action. Unlike her, I was standing in right field during gym class, daydreaming, and didn’t see the ball coming straight at me. By the time I did, I put my glove up and I completely missed. The ball hit me in the forehead-eye-nose bridge. That was the beginning of the end of my softball career.
I like staying here. There's a great patio and lots of comfy study chairs. There's always the good creamer and the Wightman's make sure their orthopedic spa is fired up when I come to town. It's also nice to be in a temperature-regulated house, where you can walk barefoot without frostbite, unlike Oakfordshire (our Monrovian-British estate). Russ and I decided we needed to change Oakfordshire now that King Oak is gone and Queen Oak is sort of awkward and patchy. But Oakfordshire just might stick, like the name of Russ' car that he hates but will forever stick because I can never help laughing when I think of it, Brownie the Flying Turd.
I'm listening to the jazz station on the Wightman's cable cornucopia. My favorite jazz guy is Monk. Gene Kruppa just finished, and that was good, but a lot of the music sounds more like smooth jazz. I'm not a fan of smooth jazz. I wasn't a fan of jazz, nor knew anything about it, until I absorbed Ken Burns' jazz 11-disc series this past summer. I think this summer, time permitting, it will be KB's Civil War, which I used to watch at least once a year with my grandpa as a young nerd. I used to dream of marrying a southern man in the mold of Shelby Foote. And I always thought Mary Chestnut was annoying. But I'm thinking that this time around, I'll understand her more, a woman sitting around in her parlor, writing about the war going on around her. She'd totally be a blogger, had she lived in more digital times.
I just finished Thom Jones and enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure that he's from my old stomping grounds of Aurora, even though he's reclusive and there's nothing biographical about him to be found, on the internet or elsewhere. He not only mentioned Lake Street (sort of a hub), but Garfield Goose and the Fox Valley Shopping Center -- you have to be a real Auroran to remember Garfield Goose and shopping at Fox Valley. He won the National Book Award, but there's no mention of him on the “Welcome to Aurora, City of Lights” signs, no honorary street named after him downtown. Yet another reason that I no longer live in Aurora.
I am now reading the Selected Letters of John Fante, which is like permissible voyuerism. Fante was a bit of an egomaniac and kept carbon copies of all the letters he sent out, which is largely why this book exists. In classic egomanic fashion, he didn’t keep any of the letters that many others, including his wife, sent to him. That Fante.
Last night, we went to a pratice game between the Oakland A’s and the San Diego Padres. We tried to get tickets to the Giants vs. the Cubs (Russ=San Francisco, Sarah=Chicago, yet Dodgers trump both), but it was sold out. We sat in the fifth row, behind home plate and the giant net, which was comforting. I don’t like sitting anywhere there’s a fair-to-excellent chance that an errant foul or pop-up will come spinning. Like Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch, I have also been a victim of ball-smack-in-the-middle-of-the-head action. Unlike her, I was standing in right field during gym class, daydreaming, and didn’t see the ball coming straight at me. By the time I did, I put my glove up and I completely missed. The ball hit me in the forehead-eye-nose bridge. That was the beginning of the end of my softball career.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To
I am a nice person. At least, that's what people tell me. Apparently, it's one of my enduring characteristics -- curly hair, smile, niceness. I, myself, don't think I'm all that nice, but I know myself a lot better. For instance, at this moment, I am contemplating how to start a letter to an old friend that I probably hurt a while back. It was one of those situations that I always flash to when people tell me that I'm the nicest person that they know. The other situation that I think of is when I told my then-and-now friend Rebekah that she wasn't "cool" enough to be friends with me after freshman year of high school. I tell people that and they can't believe it -- "You said that?" they ask. When I nod and shrug, as in, I was stupid and young and petrified about my reputation, they say, "Man -- that's so mean! You were a mean girl!"
So I'm admitting it. I was a mean girl. And believe me, I am still capable.
Today, I spent the last half of the morning running errands so that I could write during the afternoon. I'm very excited about the direction that my novel is taking -- a sort of meaningless side character that I wasn't sure why I was including turned out to be very important and the pivotal figure in leading the main character back to a painful memory. I love when that happens -- you're not expecting success, you're actually expecting total and utter failure, and then, all the sudden, a moment comes together and although it's not toally clear, it's clear enough that you can get down the outlines of the image. Then the outlines become clearer and clearer and you revise once, twice, seven times, and afterwards, you have a moment in focus. Having a moment in focus, just as I know it ought to be, is probably the most rewarding part of writing fiction for me. It's why I crave to be in my writer's chair, tapping away and staring into space all afternoon.
But before I get to that, I have the real world to worry about. Money. Bills. Food. Netflix envelopes. So, I hop around town, from one destination to another, trying to get it all done as fast as I can so that I can get to the part of my day that matters. I ended up at Rubio's for lunch today, which is not unusual. In fact, all the lunch time workers know who I am and probably roll their eyes at each other when they see me coming because of my very complicated, Sally-in-When-Harry-Met-Sally order. I always get a fish burrito, but without onions, cilantro, salsa, sour cream, and black beans. And I get the white sauce, but I get it on the side. There's a method to my madness -- I get containers of the salsa at the salsa bar and then, mix the white sauce and salsa together so that I can both pour it over my burrito and dip my chips into it. Much of the time, I later walk back up to the counter to ask for a take-home box because I only eat half of the burrito. I always bring a book, get a 3/4 Diet Coke-1/4 Coca-Cola, and relax among people that I hear, but don't have to talk to.
Today, though, there was no relaxation to be had, neither at Rubio's or Kinko's or Von's. And it was because of children...curs-ed children.
Many of the people who know that I'm nice also know that I'm not a child person. I'm not kid-friendly. I'm a sharp edge. I like a few kids, ones that I've warmed up to over time, like my niece and some kids at church, but as a rule, I dislike merging with kids in public. It's partly because I'm uncomfortable talking to kids in any voice that is higher than my natural one. I find that kids and parents of kids enjoy falsetto cooing and squeaky exclamations. One thing I like about my niece is that she looks at me weird if I pull a voice like that. The other part I dislike about kids in general is the constant activity. Enough with the bouncing off the walls already. Just sit down and read a book. Or draw pictures and imagine stories to go along with them. That's what I did when I was kid. That, and played in Illinois mud puddles after thunderstorms. If any one ever wants to blackmail me, they'll have to look no further than my sister.
So imagine me, with my burrito and my Thom Jones at Rubio's, and as I start to eat, some cutesy music starts to blare from the table next to me and the falsettoest of falsettos shrieks, "Hola!" That would be the one and only Dora the Explorer. On a portable DVD player. Two kids with their mom and grandma were watching this DVD with no consideration for anyone around them who might want to eat without having to listen to Dora shrilly say, "Look at what Diego found -- un perro!" The real kicker is that once Dora was over, the kids whined and complained until the moms put in a Strawberry Shortcake DVD and let it play just as loudly. I don't know who I was more annoyed at, the adults or the kids. In any case, my annoyance happens often at this particular Rubio's, since there is a Gymboree in the same shopping center and from overheard (loud) conversations, I've gathered that the moms have some sort of post-play pow-wow.
I have often thought about what would happen if I wasn't so nice. If I turned to parents of the Dora-DVDers and said, "Hey, don't you remember how annoying it was when people's kids were making a racket before you had any?" If I said, "How would you like it if I picked a fight with someone on my cell phone and you had to listen to all the details?" Or how about, "Can we keep DVDs out of food joints and just in houses and cars? Because some of us are trying to enjoy our food without a side of Dora."
But maybe I am a nice person. Because I would never, ever say any of that outloud. I may think it, chew my specialized burrito a bit resentfully, but when it all comes down, I would never sass a mama.
So I'm admitting it. I was a mean girl. And believe me, I am still capable.
Today, I spent the last half of the morning running errands so that I could write during the afternoon. I'm very excited about the direction that my novel is taking -- a sort of meaningless side character that I wasn't sure why I was including turned out to be very important and the pivotal figure in leading the main character back to a painful memory. I love when that happens -- you're not expecting success, you're actually expecting total and utter failure, and then, all the sudden, a moment comes together and although it's not toally clear, it's clear enough that you can get down the outlines of the image. Then the outlines become clearer and clearer and you revise once, twice, seven times, and afterwards, you have a moment in focus. Having a moment in focus, just as I know it ought to be, is probably the most rewarding part of writing fiction for me. It's why I crave to be in my writer's chair, tapping away and staring into space all afternoon.
But before I get to that, I have the real world to worry about. Money. Bills. Food. Netflix envelopes. So, I hop around town, from one destination to another, trying to get it all done as fast as I can so that I can get to the part of my day that matters. I ended up at Rubio's for lunch today, which is not unusual. In fact, all the lunch time workers know who I am and probably roll their eyes at each other when they see me coming because of my very complicated, Sally-in-When-Harry-Met-Sally order. I always get a fish burrito, but without onions, cilantro, salsa, sour cream, and black beans. And I get the white sauce, but I get it on the side. There's a method to my madness -- I get containers of the salsa at the salsa bar and then, mix the white sauce and salsa together so that I can both pour it over my burrito and dip my chips into it. Much of the time, I later walk back up to the counter to ask for a take-home box because I only eat half of the burrito. I always bring a book, get a 3/4 Diet Coke-1/4 Coca-Cola, and relax among people that I hear, but don't have to talk to.
Today, though, there was no relaxation to be had, neither at Rubio's or Kinko's or Von's. And it was because of children...curs-ed children.
Many of the people who know that I'm nice also know that I'm not a child person. I'm not kid-friendly. I'm a sharp edge. I like a few kids, ones that I've warmed up to over time, like my niece and some kids at church, but as a rule, I dislike merging with kids in public. It's partly because I'm uncomfortable talking to kids in any voice that is higher than my natural one. I find that kids and parents of kids enjoy falsetto cooing and squeaky exclamations. One thing I like about my niece is that she looks at me weird if I pull a voice like that. The other part I dislike about kids in general is the constant activity. Enough with the bouncing off the walls already. Just sit down and read a book. Or draw pictures and imagine stories to go along with them. That's what I did when I was kid. That, and played in Illinois mud puddles after thunderstorms. If any one ever wants to blackmail me, they'll have to look no further than my sister.
So imagine me, with my burrito and my Thom Jones at Rubio's, and as I start to eat, some cutesy music starts to blare from the table next to me and the falsettoest of falsettos shrieks, "Hola!" That would be the one and only Dora the Explorer. On a portable DVD player. Two kids with their mom and grandma were watching this DVD with no consideration for anyone around them who might want to eat without having to listen to Dora shrilly say, "Look at what Diego found -- un perro!" The real kicker is that once Dora was over, the kids whined and complained until the moms put in a Strawberry Shortcake DVD and let it play just as loudly. I don't know who I was more annoyed at, the adults or the kids. In any case, my annoyance happens often at this particular Rubio's, since there is a Gymboree in the same shopping center and from overheard (loud) conversations, I've gathered that the moms have some sort of post-play pow-wow.
I have often thought about what would happen if I wasn't so nice. If I turned to parents of the Dora-DVDers and said, "Hey, don't you remember how annoying it was when people's kids were making a racket before you had any?" If I said, "How would you like it if I picked a fight with someone on my cell phone and you had to listen to all the details?" Or how about, "Can we keep DVDs out of food joints and just in houses and cars? Because some of us are trying to enjoy our food without a side of Dora."
But maybe I am a nice person. Because I would never, ever say any of that outloud. I may think it, chew my specialized burrito a bit resentfully, but when it all comes down, I would never sass a mama.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Weekend Update
The best part of Saturday Night Live these days. Also, a recap of what I did over the last four days.
This weekend, Russ and I made like Puxatawny Phil and climbed out of our den to see if winter, aka the incessant studying and designing and writing and working inside our house, was a shadow of former months. Albeit, a good month and half later than old Phil. The good news is, it was indeed a brief lapse in the world of hibernation. We celebrated the end of Russ's winter quarter with mojitos at Xiomara and dessert at Cafe Bizou, visited the Norton Simon (free for students!), cheers-ed each other with brisket and cabbage and potatoes and beer at Christina and Emilio's brisket fest, and spent time rearranging our kitchen cabinets, which counts as fun because we had funky tunes blasting and did some spontaneous grooving.
Russ and I also hopped over to the Getty yesterday, just to see what's been going on there lately, and I must highly recommend the Robert Adams landscape photography show. The photos are focused on the disintegration of nature in Los Angeles and Colorado and also, what humanity can't wreck in nature. That Robert Adams is a smart man cookie -- reading his quotes on the wall and beside his photos made me want to pick up one of his many books. There's also a Degas show, which is a must see if you are a fan or just enjoy being crammed into a smallish room with fifty other observers. Some beautiful sketchings and some interesting experimentations with photography toward the end of his life are standouts.
The gardens and outsides at the Getty are just fantastic right now. We could see all of L.A. from the railings. I think the Getty is sort of the castle of Los Angeles, perched on a high hill, overlooking its kingdom. Unfortunately, Russ and I both forgot our sunglasses and the glare from the travertine had us wandering around, squinty and watery-eyed. Sort of groundhoggishly, if you will. So if you go, don't forget the sunglasses.
Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
This weekend, Russ and I made like Puxatawny Phil and climbed out of our den to see if winter, aka the incessant studying and designing and writing and working inside our house, was a shadow of former months. Albeit, a good month and half later than old Phil. The good news is, it was indeed a brief lapse in the world of hibernation. We celebrated the end of Russ's winter quarter with mojitos at Xiomara and dessert at Cafe Bizou, visited the Norton Simon (free for students!), cheers-ed each other with brisket and cabbage and potatoes and beer at Christina and Emilio's brisket fest, and spent time rearranging our kitchen cabinets, which counts as fun because we had funky tunes blasting and did some spontaneous grooving.
Russ and I also hopped over to the Getty yesterday, just to see what's been going on there lately, and I must highly recommend the Robert Adams landscape photography show. The photos are focused on the disintegration of nature in Los Angeles and Colorado and also, what humanity can't wreck in nature. That Robert Adams is a smart man cookie -- reading his quotes on the wall and beside his photos made me want to pick up one of his many books. There's also a Degas show, which is a must see if you are a fan or just enjoy being crammed into a smallish room with fifty other observers. Some beautiful sketchings and some interesting experimentations with photography toward the end of his life are standouts.
The gardens and outsides at the Getty are just fantastic right now. We could see all of L.A. from the railings. I think the Getty is sort of the castle of Los Angeles, perched on a high hill, overlooking its kingdom. Unfortunately, Russ and I both forgot our sunglasses and the glare from the travertine had us wandering around, squinty and watery-eyed. Sort of groundhoggishly, if you will. So if you go, don't forget the sunglasses.
Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Best Parking Ticket I Ever Got
Being on MySpace has really made me feel nostalgic. It's sort of nostalgically addicting. Among other things, it's made me think about opening up the photo boxes in my house, which have been waiting to be put into multiple photo albums. Basically, that's never going to happen. I'm just too uninterested in such a tedious task. But I decided to open up a photo box yesterday and that was great fun. I saw faces that I hadn't seen in years, remembered events that I'd forgotten, and thought about how much my past is still with me, even when I don't remember it specifically.
Among other things, which I may or may not be posting about in the future, I found this parking ticket:
Happy St. Patrick's Day, by the way. I broke my rule of not wearing holiday color on holidays by donning a kelly green polka-dotted head wrap. So don't pinch me. Today, Russ and I...okay, Russ cooked Bailey's-based pudding to bring to Brisket Fest, where we will eat brisket and cabbage and drink medium to large quantities of Irish beers and maybe even make a few Irish Car Bombs. So, if you don't hear from me for a few days, now you know why.
Among other things, which I may or may not be posting about in the future, I found this parking ticket:
Happy St. Patrick's Day, by the way. I broke my rule of not wearing holiday color on holidays by donning a kelly green polka-dotted head wrap. So don't pinch me. Today, Russ and I...okay, Russ cooked Bailey's-based pudding to bring to Brisket Fest, where we will eat brisket and cabbage and drink medium to large quantities of Irish beers and maybe even make a few Irish Car Bombs. So, if you don't hear from me for a few days, now you know why.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Agree With Me Or Else. Or Else What? Exactly.
Upon picking up Tanya at Petsmart, from "doggie daycare" (part of her learning-to-work-well-with-others practice), I found myself staring at a Brownie-Girl Scout cookie table. Now I'm not one of those who is swayed easily by doe-eyed children selling chocolate for their basketball team or ski trip or whatever. I try not to be a total bitch, of course, so a lot of the time, I'll say "No thanks" when what I really mean is "Take your chocolate and shove it because I know it's all just an elaborate scam for your chocolate pimp." Not to put too fine a point on it.
But I approached the table. For one, the mother and daughter just smiled at me when I walked in, didn't jump on me screeching, "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" Just because they're Brownie-Girl Scouts, doesn't mean they aren't capable of freaking me out, which is what happens when they scream at me like that. Second, the girl looked just like my niece, whom I adore. And third, she was dressed up as a Brownie bite. The costuming, something I remember at least aspiring to when I myself was a Brownie-and-Girl Scout, put me over the edge. This girl was obviously dedicated to the fine art of cookie selling. And so, I approached.
Right away, I knew this little girl was kick ass because she knelt down and started petting Tanya, who actually nuzzled up to her. I couldn't believe it. The dog who hates children was nuzzling one. Incredible. Or, as it's said in Portuguese, incredible.
I talked with her mother for a while and learned that she was trying to win the most cookies sold this year in order to be the one who gets to throw out the first pitch at Dodger's Stadium. Wow, that's so cool, I said. When I was a Girl Scout, I think the winner of the most cookies got to have a pizza party at Chuckee Cheese with five friends. The Girl Scouts have obviously evolved since I counted myself as one of their ranks.
I bought a box of Samoas, which I believe are the best of all Girl Scout Cookies. Disagree if you dare. But I challenge anyone to prove that any of the other cookies are as delicious, as perfectly conceived, as the Samoa. What could be better than a chewy coconut mixed in with chocolate casing and drizzled with chocolate on top?
Help the coolest Brownie in the world win the most cookie sales by purchasing all your cookily-goodness at the Petsmart off of Foothill in Pasadena. By the Best Buy and the Gold Line station. I told her mom that I'd get the word out about helping her win and as you know, I always keep my promises. Girl Scout's honor.
But I approached the table. For one, the mother and daughter just smiled at me when I walked in, didn't jump on me screeching, "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" Just because they're Brownie-Girl Scouts, doesn't mean they aren't capable of freaking me out, which is what happens when they scream at me like that. Second, the girl looked just like my niece, whom I adore. And third, she was dressed up as a Brownie bite. The costuming, something I remember at least aspiring to when I myself was a Brownie-and-Girl Scout, put me over the edge. This girl was obviously dedicated to the fine art of cookie selling. And so, I approached.
Right away, I knew this little girl was kick ass because she knelt down and started petting Tanya, who actually nuzzled up to her. I couldn't believe it. The dog who hates children was nuzzling one. Incredible. Or, as it's said in Portuguese, incredible.
I talked with her mother for a while and learned that she was trying to win the most cookies sold this year in order to be the one who gets to throw out the first pitch at Dodger's Stadium. Wow, that's so cool, I said. When I was a Girl Scout, I think the winner of the most cookies got to have a pizza party at Chuckee Cheese with five friends. The Girl Scouts have obviously evolved since I counted myself as one of their ranks.
I bought a box of Samoas, which I believe are the best of all Girl Scout Cookies. Disagree if you dare. But I challenge anyone to prove that any of the other cookies are as delicious, as perfectly conceived, as the Samoa. What could be better than a chewy coconut mixed in with chocolate casing and drizzled with chocolate on top?
Help the coolest Brownie in the world win the most cookie sales by purchasing all your cookily-goodness at the Petsmart off of Foothill in Pasadena. By the Best Buy and the Gold Line station. I told her mom that I'd get the word out about helping her win and as you know, I always keep my promises. Girl Scout's honor.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
One Reason Worth Getting out of Bed in the Morning, Even When It's 48 Degrees
I spent a good part of my morning reading in Starbucks rather than at Westminster. I could blame this not making it on the fact that I had a mojito nightcap at Xiomara with Christina, celebrating our resepective triumphs over the last few months. Her school just had a WASC visit, which she was in charge of and has been working on for months. Happily, she and her school got glowing reviews by the WASC committee. Mojito worthy stuff. And Xiomara has that cool machine, the King Cane, that actually grinds up the stalks of sugar cane.
The real reason, though, was that I didn't go because I just couldn't bear getting out of bed. Yes, I was physically capable, but totally unwilling. Our house was built in 1906, one of the oldest structures in all of Monrovia, and it hasn't exactly been modernized. I doubt it's up to code in most respects (and we've made it worse by not replacing any of the batteries in the smoke alarms). Case and point -- there's no insulation and a ton of windows, so the damp cold seeps through in winter and the stale heat creeps in during the summer. It's liveable most of the time, but when the temperature drops to 40, like it did last night, it's almost deabilitating. We have two space heaters, two heating pads, two paris of REI insulated socks, and one anicent looking gas-heater unit on the wall. I'm sort of afraid to turn it on. Okay, not sort of, really. I imagine the explosion scene with the helicopter a la Independence Day. Plus, Russ and I have accumulated so many books in the last year, that it's become a bookshelf and we'd rather be cold than move all the books. And so, we are.
Perhaps the thought of a warm church would've gotten me out of bed, but alas, Westminster is also very cold. It's a gothic-style cathedral, built about 20 years later than our house, but sadly, not many more technologies in heating and cooling had been devised. Gothic cathedrals aren't exactly designed to be warm and cozy, either. Everything is stone and brick and dark wood, which might be okay if the ceiling wasn't also 40+ feet. As we all know, heat rises. So the pigeons and church mice are all very cozy up in the ceiling and bell tower, thank you, while we silly humans rub our hands together and shiver on the ground level. It means that you wear layers of socks and blankety wool wraps in the winter. Add to this the fact that Westminster's boiler is constantly on the fritz or as in the case a few years ago, destroyed by vandals, and you can see why I did not leap out of my bed.
What actually motivated me to finally get out of bed today was the thought of spending the morning at Starbucks, reading. I know, I know, Starbucks sucks and so does corporate America. But I actually like the one Starbucks by my house; I know a lot of the workers and they like working at this particular Starbucks. Many of them are grad students, artists, lifers. The chairs, it's true, are uncomfortable and the wall art is hideous and some of the clinetele are extremely loud when on their cell phones, but there's always steam coming off the espresso machine and enough heat to keep your feet warm without the special socks. What was actually more exciting than the thought of heat, glorious heat, was reading a book for fun. Something I haven't done in a few months and in a way, needed much more today than warmth, though I didn't know it at the time.
I just read Dog Soldiers, a book that took me three days and a total of seven or eight hours to finish. That's a long time for me. I was further frustrated by the fact that as I read the final pages, I wasn't sure that I understood the book at all. Granted, it's about the developing drug community in 1970s California for which I don't have a lot of context. Even more, though, I just felt like I didn't understand exactly what Robert Stone was trying to do. He felt inscrutable, way too cool for me. I felt like I wasted a lot of time reading a book that ultimately excluded me.
This made me feel rotten about myself as a reader. It's a National Book Award Winner, after all. Stone must've been doing something right -- and not only something right, but something important. Something that would be mind-blowing and earth-shattering if I could only figure out what the hell he was talking about, especially in the last 100 or so pages. But, I didn't. All I felt was a vague sense of shame and a little bit of anger, as in, what's wrong with me?
When I went to Starbucks this morning, I cruised through my bookshelves (and heater shelf) looking for something to read. I have a lot of options. But instead of reading something that I have to read, I chose a book that I'd already read once, a memoir by a writer I respect and who has written me a really nice note in the past. Plus, I like her funky cat-eyed glasses. So I pulled it down and brought it to Starbucks, along with another, more academic, book. I figured I would reread a little bit of my memoir, get my groove back, and then tuck into the other book.
But I never even looked at the other book. I found myself rapt in a voice, in stories, in perspective and beliefs. I'm a sucker for great humor and for great sadness, and I was manically laughing and then, by turns, wiping the corners of my eyes as sentences and stories sprang off the pages at me. But more than anything, I love a story full of hope; to me, hope means possibility, a way to look at the world and imagine "What If?". As a writer of fiction, that's my job, to look at what is and imagine it as other. It's a very bold, very hopeful sort of thing to do.
It took reading this book to remind me why reading is so joyful, such a huge part of my life. It also took reading this, and feeling deeply connected to the words on the page, to get me to take a deep breath and say, "It is okay that I was frustrated by Dog Soldiers." Not every book is going to get me all hot under the collar and it's, whether I believe it or not, normal. And it's okay if sometimes, the books I'm supposed to love most as a writer end up frustrating me. It put me in mind of a book I'd read a few months ago by Andy Besch, who wrote a book about wine, which was a revelation to me. He said the biggest mistake that people make with wine is not knowing what they like. And if you don't know what you like, you'll never have a satisfying wine experience. If you base your wine choices on Wine Spectator (or other reviews), you're simply adopting someone else's likes and dislikes. The most important thing you can do, he said, is to experiment by trying lots of different wines and figuring out which qualities appeal to you and which don't.
I think the beauty of Andy Besch's approach is that it's about learning to trust your own judgments as valid. This is what I'm slowly learning how to do, with wine and with everything else. So much of the time, I know I rely on others to tell me what's valid and what's not. I'm glued to Amazon, Metacritic, and Rottentomatoes, to how others judge certain books, music, and movies. I want my opinion to not only be informed, but confirmed. But really, when it all comes down to it, Kenneth Turan or Michiko Kakutani can only tell me what sets well on their palates. They can't tell me that how it will set on mine. There will be days when I may choose a memoir over Joyce, or a bestseller over the obscure. There will be times when I go that movie that no one liked and get a kick out of it. But that's okay. That's where the joy of reading, or anything else, happens, in discovering what affects and resonates.
And if that's unhip, what of it? You should see me in double socks and a ski cap at home.
The real reason, though, was that I didn't go because I just couldn't bear getting out of bed. Yes, I was physically capable, but totally unwilling. Our house was built in 1906, one of the oldest structures in all of Monrovia, and it hasn't exactly been modernized. I doubt it's up to code in most respects (and we've made it worse by not replacing any of the batteries in the smoke alarms). Case and point -- there's no insulation and a ton of windows, so the damp cold seeps through in winter and the stale heat creeps in during the summer. It's liveable most of the time, but when the temperature drops to 40, like it did last night, it's almost deabilitating. We have two space heaters, two heating pads, two paris of REI insulated socks, and one anicent looking gas-heater unit on the wall. I'm sort of afraid to turn it on. Okay, not sort of, really. I imagine the explosion scene with the helicopter a la Independence Day. Plus, Russ and I have accumulated so many books in the last year, that it's become a bookshelf and we'd rather be cold than move all the books. And so, we are.
Perhaps the thought of a warm church would've gotten me out of bed, but alas, Westminster is also very cold. It's a gothic-style cathedral, built about 20 years later than our house, but sadly, not many more technologies in heating and cooling had been devised. Gothic cathedrals aren't exactly designed to be warm and cozy, either. Everything is stone and brick and dark wood, which might be okay if the ceiling wasn't also 40+ feet. As we all know, heat rises. So the pigeons and church mice are all very cozy up in the ceiling and bell tower, thank you, while we silly humans rub our hands together and shiver on the ground level. It means that you wear layers of socks and blankety wool wraps in the winter. Add to this the fact that Westminster's boiler is constantly on the fritz or as in the case a few years ago, destroyed by vandals, and you can see why I did not leap out of my bed.
What actually motivated me to finally get out of bed today was the thought of spending the morning at Starbucks, reading. I know, I know, Starbucks sucks and so does corporate America. But I actually like the one Starbucks by my house; I know a lot of the workers and they like working at this particular Starbucks. Many of them are grad students, artists, lifers. The chairs, it's true, are uncomfortable and the wall art is hideous and some of the clinetele are extremely loud when on their cell phones, but there's always steam coming off the espresso machine and enough heat to keep your feet warm without the special socks. What was actually more exciting than the thought of heat, glorious heat, was reading a book for fun. Something I haven't done in a few months and in a way, needed much more today than warmth, though I didn't know it at the time.
I just read Dog Soldiers, a book that took me three days and a total of seven or eight hours to finish. That's a long time for me. I was further frustrated by the fact that as I read the final pages, I wasn't sure that I understood the book at all. Granted, it's about the developing drug community in 1970s California for which I don't have a lot of context. Even more, though, I just felt like I didn't understand exactly what Robert Stone was trying to do. He felt inscrutable, way too cool for me. I felt like I wasted a lot of time reading a book that ultimately excluded me.
This made me feel rotten about myself as a reader. It's a National Book Award Winner, after all. Stone must've been doing something right -- and not only something right, but something important. Something that would be mind-blowing and earth-shattering if I could only figure out what the hell he was talking about, especially in the last 100 or so pages. But, I didn't. All I felt was a vague sense of shame and a little bit of anger, as in, what's wrong with me?
When I went to Starbucks this morning, I cruised through my bookshelves (and heater shelf) looking for something to read. I have a lot of options. But instead of reading something that I have to read, I chose a book that I'd already read once, a memoir by a writer I respect and who has written me a really nice note in the past. Plus, I like her funky cat-eyed glasses. So I pulled it down and brought it to Starbucks, along with another, more academic, book. I figured I would reread a little bit of my memoir, get my groove back, and then tuck into the other book.
But I never even looked at the other book. I found myself rapt in a voice, in stories, in perspective and beliefs. I'm a sucker for great humor and for great sadness, and I was manically laughing and then, by turns, wiping the corners of my eyes as sentences and stories sprang off the pages at me. But more than anything, I love a story full of hope; to me, hope means possibility, a way to look at the world and imagine "What If?". As a writer of fiction, that's my job, to look at what is and imagine it as other. It's a very bold, very hopeful sort of thing to do.
It took reading this book to remind me why reading is so joyful, such a huge part of my life. It also took reading this, and feeling deeply connected to the words on the page, to get me to take a deep breath and say, "It is okay that I was frustrated by Dog Soldiers." Not every book is going to get me all hot under the collar and it's, whether I believe it or not, normal. And it's okay if sometimes, the books I'm supposed to love most as a writer end up frustrating me. It put me in mind of a book I'd read a few months ago by Andy Besch, who wrote a book about wine, which was a revelation to me. He said the biggest mistake that people make with wine is not knowing what they like. And if you don't know what you like, you'll never have a satisfying wine experience. If you base your wine choices on Wine Spectator (or other reviews), you're simply adopting someone else's likes and dislikes. The most important thing you can do, he said, is to experiment by trying lots of different wines and figuring out which qualities appeal to you and which don't.
I think the beauty of Andy Besch's approach is that it's about learning to trust your own judgments as valid. This is what I'm slowly learning how to do, with wine and with everything else. So much of the time, I know I rely on others to tell me what's valid and what's not. I'm glued to Amazon, Metacritic, and Rottentomatoes, to how others judge certain books, music, and movies. I want my opinion to not only be informed, but confirmed. But really, when it all comes down to it, Kenneth Turan or Michiko Kakutani can only tell me what sets well on their palates. They can't tell me that how it will set on mine. There will be days when I may choose a memoir over Joyce, or a bestseller over the obscure. There will be times when I go that movie that no one liked and get a kick out of it. But that's okay. That's where the joy of reading, or anything else, happens, in discovering what affects and resonates.
And if that's unhip, what of it? You should see me in double socks and a ski cap at home.
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