The Next Two Weeks of My Life, a.k.a. Why You Will Find Me Sitting on My Ass In Front of the TV Nonstop for Said Amount of Time

My Fellow Americans,

It is finally February, and yes, that means it's finally time for the winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. Skiing and skating and curling, oh my. This is something I've been waiting for since Christmas. I love all things Olympics, even the cheesy commercials about being a champion, and watching it from the warm, English-based comfort of my living room only sweetens the deal. My goal - unmet - was to have sports cable by this Olympics so I could watch it at all times (even hockey) and live vicariously the athletic goal to which I have never aspired.

The winter Olympics are even more fascinating to me than the summer Olympics because they all take place in snow, an athletic medium for which I have no talent. I have only publicly cried twice in life -- once, it was because the Pasadena Kinkos employees were horribly mean to me and the other time, it was because I'd been sitting on a hill in the mountains of Taos, NM for over five minutes, and still couldn't figure out how to get up. People assume that because I grew up in Illinois, a.k.a. land-of-miserable-winters-where-it-snows-until-June, I'm well-versed in all the finer points of winter sports. But Illinois is no place for winter events, unless the IOC were to introduce an event called "Windshield Scraping."

Russ laughs at me because my only skiing experience (before Taos) was in Wisconsin. The bunny slope was nothing more than the incline of my street. But it still took me all day to get down without crumpling into an embarassing heap. He grew up in California, Utah, and Colorado respectively, so let him laugh. I never put anti-freeze in the windshield wiper fluid container. Take that, mountaineer.

But, this is not about Russ. For once, this is about the Olympics and the fact that the next two weeks are all about them. The scandals -- ah, the scandals. Already, Michelle Kwan has dropped out and there's a guy who's been disqualified for using Rogaine. Skating is a good bet for controversey. So is Bode Miller. But don't rule out short track speed skating. The Koreans are buff and have been nursing their vendetta against Apolo Anton Ohno for the last four years.

In any case, I will be dedicating my time and energy to watching the somewhat-spotty coverage of trendy events on NBC. While I'm peeved that NBC will still be carrying such programs as Extreme Teenage Room Swap, I will use these gaps in coverage in order to get my work done. Plus, Bob Costas is hilarious.

Go Team U.S.A.!
Suprisingly Patriotically Yours,
Sarah